the last exam of my life - part 1

Being in a pleasant mood right when your exams are in full throttle is the best thing that can happen to a student. I am in such a pleasant mood. And a VERY pleasant one at that. My exams are going on really well so I thought ill just share my experiences with all of you.

Before I continue, I take an oath right here right now that, from now on, there will be absolutely no use of foul language and cuss words in this blog.

So lets continue with our post. Lets skip all the studying part because they don’t really matter and aren’t really that exciting either. We’ll start directly at the point of time when I am sitting in the examination hall.

I won’t lie to you. I am very much a nervous wreck. Who isn’t on the first day of their exams? That too when they know that they have an 85% possibility of passing out just at the sight of the paper. The rest 15 % is for the possibility of throwing up at the sight of the paper. So I am sitting inside on my hopelessly uncomfortable bench trying to focus on my job at hand (revising) when a bunch of Michael Jackson wannabes moonwalk their way into the class. They discuss about the previous day’s IPL match and other stuff which was probably their way of unwinding after a night full of studies. I wanst really worried about the content of their discussion, but at the decibel levels at which they were shouting. The building, as it is looked like a fort built by Shivaji Maharaj and would have come down like a pack of cards if these guys spoke any louder.

More and more nervous wrecks start trickling in and I started feeling a lot more comfortable. Some were heads down on their benches and some were just chit-chatting.
Few more minutes passed and then came the invigilator holding our answer sheets. Yes, the same sheets of paper which could decide our future. He passed around the answer sheets and students accepted it as though it was “Prasad” – with both hands and then touching the sheet to their foreheads. Now, im not really sure what it meant, but it probably gave them the confidence for the day. Now our board, Mumbai University…. Rather THE Mumbai University is very eco friendly. This I realized when I laid my hands on the answer sheet. It was probably recycled around 20 times since the first student who wrote on it. Now I know where all my examination fees went. To the recycling plants!!!

I was drawing the lines on my answer sheet, which has to be done with clockwork precision or else you risk ripping your answer sheet into shreds. So I was drawing the lines when this guy to my left caught my attention. He took out this kit from his bag and laid it on the table. Then he unloaded the contents. I swear on god, im telling you exactly what I saw.
8-9 pens
3 pencils
A 6 inch scale and a 12 inch scale
An eraser
A pencil sharpener
A roll of duck tape (???)
A stitching kit (?!?!?!)

I leaned over to him…

“Psst….whats with all the junk??”
“oh I cant take any chances yaar….i don’t seem to trust these guys…what if my answer sheet rips apart or the binding splits up??”
“ummm….cant argue with that”

A peon entered the room and handed over a roll to the invigilator of our class. They probably were our questions papers for the day. The invigilator unfurled the papers with the attitude of a bitchy girl as though he knew that our futures depended on them. And you know what the worst part is?? Our futures DID depend on them.

The bell rang for the commencement of the exam. The invigilator quickly distributed the sheets to the students. Now the question paper was of better quality. This sheet of paper was made from recycled toilet paper which you get as junk in five star hotels. Used ones of course. Its kind of a big achievement to type questions on a roll of toilet paper mind you.
Now I don’t know if the quality of the paper was such or if it was dunked in oil, but I just couldn’t get a grip on the paper. Finally when I did get a hold, I decided to give it look. The next few moments were spent in the customary looking-around-the-class-process to find that ONE guy. That one guy who has constipation written all over his face. This process is done by everybody. This is basically done to assure oneself that there are more of your species who don’t have a clue as to what to write on their sheets. Finally I found my guy. He was sitting at the other end of the room and was trembling with the paper in his hand. Surprising how a sheet of paper can make you shiver at 35 degrees Celsius. The guy was obviously not prepared and had ash smeared all over his forehead. He looked like one of those kids who is gonna get sacrificed to the gods. At this point of time….he would have really preferred that. I comforted myself that im atleast better off that that guy. I took out my pen and started writing…..


To be continued……