Some students are the extra smart types. Some are plain duds. No no….not dudes….duds.
The extra smart types carry a fully efficient arsenal of scales, pencils, pens, erasers and what not. The duds….and the dudes carry just one pen and wield it around as if it’s a light sabre gifted to them from Death Vader. Both species are royal piss offs anyways.
So we got our answer sheets and every one started drawing their lines on the papers. I surely need a scale coz even a drunk guy would draw a straighter line than me without a scale. I saw every one drawing lines all over their sheets. The extra smart types do this to look extra extra smart. The dudes and the duds do this to either fill up the pages or to just wail away time and to avoid eye contact with the invigilator. Yes. Modern invigilators do have the ability to see right through our eyes and always manage to keep a check on our intentions by hovering around our benches.
There are times in your life when you feel really proud of yourself. For the past 2 years I have been clueless during my exams. Very often I was the first one to leave the class and I was the one responsible for all the sheets of paper that have been left blank.
But today it was a very different story. My hands moved smoothly along the sheet. My wrist hurt a lot and I felt piercing urge to just cut it off!
I never really expected this moment to come at any point in my life. But as I said – this day was different. One hour into my exam…..i raised my arm and yelled out …… SUPPLEMENT!!
There are times when this feeling of jubilation surges through your body like a current. This is just one of them. This was a word I hadn’t uttered for a long time now.
My friend sitting 2 benches ahead of me looked at me with a gaping mouth. I couldn’t blame him. It took him about 2 minutes to recover from the shock and get back to his paper.
To be continued…..
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Monday, May 18, 2009
the last exam of my life - part 1
Being in a pleasant mood right when your exams are in full throttle is the best thing that can happen to a student. I am in such a pleasant mood. And a VERY pleasant one at that. My exams are going on really well so I thought ill just share my experiences with all of you.
Before I continue, I take an oath right here right now that, from now on, there will be absolutely no use of foul language and cuss words in this blog.
So lets continue with our post. Lets skip all the studying part because they don’t really matter and aren’t really that exciting either. We’ll start directly at the point of time when I am sitting in the examination hall.
I won’t lie to you. I am very much a nervous wreck. Who isn’t on the first day of their exams? That too when they know that they have an 85% possibility of passing out just at the sight of the paper. The rest 15 % is for the possibility of throwing up at the sight of the paper. So I am sitting inside on my hopelessly uncomfortable bench trying to focus on my job at hand (revising) when a bunch of Michael Jackson wannabes moonwalk their way into the class. They discuss about the previous day’s IPL match and other stuff which was probably their way of unwinding after a night full of studies. I wanst really worried about the content of their discussion, but at the decibel levels at which they were shouting. The building, as it is looked like a fort built by Shivaji Maharaj and would have come down like a pack of cards if these guys spoke any louder.
More and more nervous wrecks start trickling in and I started feeling a lot more comfortable. Some were heads down on their benches and some were just chit-chatting.
Few more minutes passed and then came the invigilator holding our answer sheets. Yes, the same sheets of paper which could decide our future. He passed around the answer sheets and students accepted it as though it was “Prasad” – with both hands and then touching the sheet to their foreheads. Now, im not really sure what it meant, but it probably gave them the confidence for the day. Now our board, Mumbai University…. Rather THE Mumbai University is very eco friendly. This I realized when I laid my hands on the answer sheet. It was probably recycled around 20 times since the first student who wrote on it. Now I know where all my examination fees went. To the recycling plants!!!
I was drawing the lines on my answer sheet, which has to be done with clockwork precision or else you risk ripping your answer sheet into shreds. So I was drawing the lines when this guy to my left caught my attention. He took out this kit from his bag and laid it on the table. Then he unloaded the contents. I swear on god, im telling you exactly what I saw.
8-9 pens
3 pencils
A 6 inch scale and a 12 inch scale
An eraser
A pencil sharpener
A roll of duck tape (???)
A stitching kit (?!?!?!)
I leaned over to him…
“Psst….whats with all the junk??”
“oh I cant take any chances yaar….i don’t seem to trust these guys…what if my answer sheet rips apart or the binding splits up??”
“ummm….cant argue with that”
A peon entered the room and handed over a roll to the invigilator of our class. They probably were our questions papers for the day. The invigilator unfurled the papers with the attitude of a bitchy girl as though he knew that our futures depended on them. And you know what the worst part is?? Our futures DID depend on them.
The bell rang for the commencement of the exam. The invigilator quickly distributed the sheets to the students. Now the question paper was of better quality. This sheet of paper was made from recycled toilet paper which you get as junk in five star hotels. Used ones of course. Its kind of a big achievement to type questions on a roll of toilet paper mind you.
Now I don’t know if the quality of the paper was such or if it was dunked in oil, but I just couldn’t get a grip on the paper. Finally when I did get a hold, I decided to give it look. The next few moments were spent in the customary looking-around-the-class-process to find that ONE guy. That one guy who has constipation written all over his face. This process is done by everybody. This is basically done to assure oneself that there are more of your species who don’t have a clue as to what to write on their sheets. Finally I found my guy. He was sitting at the other end of the room and was trembling with the paper in his hand. Surprising how a sheet of paper can make you shiver at 35 degrees Celsius. The guy was obviously not prepared and had ash smeared all over his forehead. He looked like one of those kids who is gonna get sacrificed to the gods. At this point of time….he would have really preferred that. I comforted myself that im atleast better off that that guy. I took out my pen and started writing…..
To be continued……
Before I continue, I take an oath right here right now that, from now on, there will be absolutely no use of foul language and cuss words in this blog.
So lets continue with our post. Lets skip all the studying part because they don’t really matter and aren’t really that exciting either. We’ll start directly at the point of time when I am sitting in the examination hall.
I won’t lie to you. I am very much a nervous wreck. Who isn’t on the first day of their exams? That too when they know that they have an 85% possibility of passing out just at the sight of the paper. The rest 15 % is for the possibility of throwing up at the sight of the paper. So I am sitting inside on my hopelessly uncomfortable bench trying to focus on my job at hand (revising) when a bunch of Michael Jackson wannabes moonwalk their way into the class. They discuss about the previous day’s IPL match and other stuff which was probably their way of unwinding after a night full of studies. I wanst really worried about the content of their discussion, but at the decibel levels at which they were shouting. The building, as it is looked like a fort built by Shivaji Maharaj and would have come down like a pack of cards if these guys spoke any louder.
More and more nervous wrecks start trickling in and I started feeling a lot more comfortable. Some were heads down on their benches and some were just chit-chatting.
Few more minutes passed and then came the invigilator holding our answer sheets. Yes, the same sheets of paper which could decide our future. He passed around the answer sheets and students accepted it as though it was “Prasad” – with both hands and then touching the sheet to their foreheads. Now, im not really sure what it meant, but it probably gave them the confidence for the day. Now our board, Mumbai University…. Rather THE Mumbai University is very eco friendly. This I realized when I laid my hands on the answer sheet. It was probably recycled around 20 times since the first student who wrote on it. Now I know where all my examination fees went. To the recycling plants!!!
I was drawing the lines on my answer sheet, which has to be done with clockwork precision or else you risk ripping your answer sheet into shreds. So I was drawing the lines when this guy to my left caught my attention. He took out this kit from his bag and laid it on the table. Then he unloaded the contents. I swear on god, im telling you exactly what I saw.
8-9 pens
3 pencils
A 6 inch scale and a 12 inch scale
An eraser
A pencil sharpener
A roll of duck tape (???)
A stitching kit (?!?!?!)
I leaned over to him…
“Psst….whats with all the junk??”
“oh I cant take any chances yaar….i don’t seem to trust these guys…what if my answer sheet rips apart or the binding splits up??”
“ummm….cant argue with that”
A peon entered the room and handed over a roll to the invigilator of our class. They probably were our questions papers for the day. The invigilator unfurled the papers with the attitude of a bitchy girl as though he knew that our futures depended on them. And you know what the worst part is?? Our futures DID depend on them.
The bell rang for the commencement of the exam. The invigilator quickly distributed the sheets to the students. Now the question paper was of better quality. This sheet of paper was made from recycled toilet paper which you get as junk in five star hotels. Used ones of course. Its kind of a big achievement to type questions on a roll of toilet paper mind you.
Now I don’t know if the quality of the paper was such or if it was dunked in oil, but I just couldn’t get a grip on the paper. Finally when I did get a hold, I decided to give it look. The next few moments were spent in the customary looking-around-the-class-process to find that ONE guy. That one guy who has constipation written all over his face. This process is done by everybody. This is basically done to assure oneself that there are more of your species who don’t have a clue as to what to write on their sheets. Finally I found my guy. He was sitting at the other end of the room and was trembling with the paper in his hand. Surprising how a sheet of paper can make you shiver at 35 degrees Celsius. The guy was obviously not prepared and had ash smeared all over his forehead. He looked like one of those kids who is gonna get sacrificed to the gods. At this point of time….he would have really preferred that. I comforted myself that im atleast better off that that guy. I took out my pen and started writing…..
To be continued……
Sunday, May 10, 2009
a new begining and straightaway we start blasting people!!!
So this is the first post on my new blog. The simplest reason I can give for starting a new one is coz I was bored of the earlier one.
I was traveling by train the other day n wanted some chutta paisa. Yeah these railway officials can be royal pain when it comes to chutta. So I bought this newspaper called mid-day to get some change. Now mid-day is the same old sleazy news magazine known for its mid-day mate. A couple of years back, there was a public outcry regarding the alleged sleaziness of the newspaper and its articles. Now the guys are mid-day (including the editor) are certified perverts who google for stuff like “bikini babes” all day long. Yeah and the best part is…..they get paid for it. If we guys do the same thing at our workplaces….we’ll get down-sized for lackluster performance or some shit like that.. Now the guys at mid-day are pretty thick-skinned and gave a shit to the outcry. Instead they introduced….. MidDay mate 2. So this means that perverts at mid-day get to search for an extra bikini babe.
So I was pretty bored and I jus bought the newspaper for chutta for the simple reason that it’s the cheapest….. I mean…by price. So I was reading it in the train I bumped into this article by music director Vishal Dadlani. It was about the low turnout at the elections and the Vodafone ZooZoos.
Now I dunno why, but vishal seemed to be pretty pissed. Maybe he dint get to use the bathroom first in the morning. But who cares. Anyways, I have the utmost respect for Vishal as a musician but as a person he sucks. Obviously this guy proved that he duznt have the least respect for advertising in that shiny bald head of his. Dude!! Just coz u dint like the zoozoos duznt mean u start running that foul mouth of yours. You spoke about burning Barbie dolls. Now I dunno what u have have against them, but come on!! how stupid could u possibily get!! You said the zoozoo’s represent the nation's current state cos of their round heads and blank and stupid faces. I kinda feel that you resemble a zoozoo with that bald head of yours.
Anyways..fuck him…
The ZooZoo has by far been the greatest piece of advertising ever seen. To me, the zoozoo is the new age Charlie Chaplin. Having the globe in splits by just running and falling around without uttering a word is no easy task. Hats off to the guy who came up with the idea. The Zoozoos came like the breeze and have created a storm now. And they just refuse to go. Each new advt makes sure it has people applauding the efforts and the ideas behind them.
If the Hutch dog was a hit with its “wherever you go we follow” theme…..the Vodafone Zoozoo is a blockbuster with its countless gags. It has become such a hit that the “utterly-butterly girl of Amul has been replaced by the “utterly-butterly Zoozoo”
The timing of the advts has been perfect. Just when the world was stuck with the IPL, these guys sneaked in a few of the zoozoos. they have become popular enough to put the Vodafone brand in the background and create a market for themselves. i cant wait for the market explosion once the zoozoo merchandise is released. if vodafone doesn't make profits through its phone connections, it sure as hell will cover up through its zoozoo brand.
The cricketers must be whining about the strategic timeouts…..we aren’t….we love the zoozoos!!!
As far as the low election turnout is concerned, the EC should have considered conducting the polls in South Africa too. Maybe through SMS during the IPL matches.
No one gives a shit to the elections anyways! We ARE going to the dogs.....anyhow!
I was traveling by train the other day n wanted some chutta paisa. Yeah these railway officials can be royal pain when it comes to chutta. So I bought this newspaper called mid-day to get some change. Now mid-day is the same old sleazy news magazine known for its mid-day mate. A couple of years back, there was a public outcry regarding the alleged sleaziness of the newspaper and its articles. Now the guys are mid-day (including the editor) are certified perverts who google for stuff like “bikini babes” all day long. Yeah and the best part is…..they get paid for it. If we guys do the same thing at our workplaces….we’ll get down-sized for lackluster performance or some shit like that.. Now the guys at mid-day are pretty thick-skinned and gave a shit to the outcry. Instead they introduced….. MidDay mate 2. So this means that perverts at mid-day get to search for an extra bikini babe.
So I was pretty bored and I jus bought the newspaper for chutta for the simple reason that it’s the cheapest….. I mean…by price. So I was reading it in the train I bumped into this article by music director Vishal Dadlani. It was about the low turnout at the elections and the Vodafone ZooZoos.
Now I dunno why, but vishal seemed to be pretty pissed. Maybe he dint get to use the bathroom first in the morning. But who cares. Anyways, I have the utmost respect for Vishal as a musician but as a person he sucks. Obviously this guy proved that he duznt have the least respect for advertising in that shiny bald head of his. Dude!! Just coz u dint like the zoozoos duznt mean u start running that foul mouth of yours. You spoke about burning Barbie dolls. Now I dunno what u have have against them, but come on!! how stupid could u possibily get!! You said the zoozoo’s represent the nation's current state cos of their round heads and blank and stupid faces. I kinda feel that you resemble a zoozoo with that bald head of yours.
Anyways..fuck him…
The ZooZoo has by far been the greatest piece of advertising ever seen. To me, the zoozoo is the new age Charlie Chaplin. Having the globe in splits by just running and falling around without uttering a word is no easy task. Hats off to the guy who came up with the idea. The Zoozoos came like the breeze and have created a storm now. And they just refuse to go. Each new advt makes sure it has people applauding the efforts and the ideas behind them.
If the Hutch dog was a hit with its “wherever you go we follow” theme…..the Vodafone Zoozoo is a blockbuster with its countless gags. It has become such a hit that the “utterly-butterly girl of Amul has been replaced by the “utterly-butterly Zoozoo”
The timing of the advts has been perfect. Just when the world was stuck with the IPL, these guys sneaked in a few of the zoozoos. they have become popular enough to put the Vodafone brand in the background and create a market for themselves. i cant wait for the market explosion once the zoozoo merchandise is released. if vodafone doesn't make profits through its phone connections, it sure as hell will cover up through its zoozoo brand.
The cricketers must be whining about the strategic timeouts…..we aren’t….we love the zoozoos!!!
As far as the low election turnout is concerned, the EC should have considered conducting the polls in South Africa too. Maybe through SMS during the IPL matches.
No one gives a shit to the elections anyways! We ARE going to the dogs.....anyhow!
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